Clyde and Clem's Whiskey Business is a travesty to everything that bluegrass has ever stood for and an affront to the sensibilities of decent people worldwide.

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Formed in the spring of ought-two, Whiskey Business plays music that was brought forth by the devil himself, glorifyin' sins of the flesh and immoral activities of all sorts. Just by listenin' to a single show, perfectly respectable women have been known to bare their ankles and engage in lascivious behaviors unbecoming of a lady. Men who beforehand had never touched the devil's liquor become enraged with the evil spirit, and stumble around like fools.

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If you suspect that Clyde and Clem may be in your town, they should be immediately reported to the authorities, as they are wanted for a variety of offenses. Do not approach them. Clyde and Clem should be considered most likely unarmed, but extremely dangerous, and most likely intoxicated.